In part 2 of this interview series, Daniel talks to Neil about what it means to be competitive with your partner and compassionate with yourself.
Gay men face a unique challenge in their relationships around feelings of inadequacy given their similar biology (see: Do you want to be him or be with him?). It can create expectations and fear that could dissolve the relationship from the inside out. The ability to see yourself the way your partner sees you isn’t an easy feat when you aren’t happy with what you see in the mirror. Our mind can distort our self-image.
'You really do look how you feel.'
Neil suggests a number of times that we really aren’t in control of how our body looks. This is a powerful proposal, especially from a PT. There is, he speculates, more value in working on how you feel, and who you are on the inside. After all, you really do look how you feel.
If your partner sees you for what's on the inside and you don’t, you’ll convince yourself that they're delusional. Or, more importantly, if you hate what's on the inside, then you’ve got some work to do.
Daniel has put in this work, and has come a long way since his days of trying to woo audiences on social media. He understands how difficult it can be when the most common way we compliment one another is on our appearance. This feeds into the superficiality of men, and becomes a destructive force when two men try to form an intimate relationship.
Take a look for yourself, and don't forget to talk about these ideas with at least one friend.
Nathan helps people to express themselves at home, at school, and in the workplace, all around the world. He's passionate about thinking, and engages in it regularly. He's not overly fond of writing in the third person though. It's weird. Connect with him on Facebook to continue the conversation, make a video at colourbeat.com, or even share a dance with him at movewithcolour.com!
We aren't in control of how we look, but we are in control of how we feel.
We tend to see in the mirror what we feel on the inside.
We operate in a society that places a high value on image, but need relationships that place high value on who we really are.
